Maybe most people are 'fine'. But really, 'fine' doesn't say much at all. Being a quiet person, I don't ask very many people how they are, so when I ask someone that, I actually want to know. I don't know what fine means. I want people to tell me what's going on in their lives. One word can answer the question, but it doesn't say anything. In the way of how life is going, 'fine' can mean a bajillion things. I often follow up "How are you?" with "What's the most exciting thing that happened this week?" since people don't take the question "How are you?" seriously anymore. We ask out of habit. Once I brushed past a lady in a grocery store and she said "Hey, how are you?" without even stopping to look at me.
I see a lot of posts on various social media sites(I realize that made me sound all hip and stuff but I'm not that up-to-date. I just look at Pinterest and Instagram sometimes.) that are along the lines of "I say I'm fine, but my mind is breaking apart. I smile, but inside, I'm in tears." It has really made me second guess people when they say they're fine. What also bothers me about that sort of post is that it encourages lying a bit. It's not truthful to tell people you're fine when you are not. Seeing posts with that idea could cause people to think it's all right to lie about how you're doing, when it isn't.
By no means am I saying I've never told someone I was fine when I wasn't. I know I have. And maybe it's because sometimes, we don't know how we are. That's how it is for me sometimes. It is, however, all right to simply say "I don't know". You aren't obligated to look 'put together' all the time. I guarantee you no one is as put together as they seem.
It always encourages me when I ask someone how they're doing and they say "I am doing fantabulous!" or some such. It inspires me that they're doing great and they realize that they are allowed to be happy and excited about life. When I see people like that, it makes me want to be able to say that I'm doing awesome too. But in order to say you're doing awesome, it has to be true, like with saying "I'm fine". Don't tell people lies.
Now, I don't mean you have to pour your heart out to random acquaintances who are just trying to make small talk. How will you build friendships with people though, if you can't even be frank with the way you feel at the moment? It's fairly hard to find words to say when you aren't fine and someone asks how you are. Perhaps brainstorm words that you can use instead. (because even if you are 'fine', it's a boring and undescriptive word.) If someone wants to know how I'm doing when I'm not doing so great, I usually just say I'm doing 'all right'. I know, it's not much different from fine. I'm working on that. But to me, 'all right' is 'could be better, but could be a lot worse'. And it's the only word that I can think of on the fly without sounding desperately sad. I'm going to figure out words to use in place of that too.
We don't have to tell everyone about our inner struggles. But we do need to tell the truth. It's hard to know who you can talk to about hard things and who you can't. However, it's important to remember that everyone is created in the image of God, and is therefore worth your time.(There are also people who are bad influences, but that is another matter.) Maybe it's better to talk about things other than one's health. If you're having a conversation face to face, chances are, both of you are at least well enough to be out in public, and neither of you is hacking into the other's face. So why not figure out other things to talk about? Perhaps start asking peoples' opinions on things. (probably not controversial things, if it's a new acquaintance you're speaking to.) Go deeper in your conversations than "How are you?" "Fine." "How was your week?" "Good." Those conversations never dip further than the surface of what a person is actually thinking.
I challenge you to find a new way to answer when someone says "How are you?", and also find a new way to ask. OR you can find something else to ask altogether. You get bonus points for that one.
So, with that... How are you?
